Spitting Venom

It's so nice to know that the spam world has been reduced to posting advertisements in the comments section of blog sites. At least here, I have the small satisfaction of knowing that only about 10 people even bother reading my blog, and of the 10 of you, hopefully only about 2 or 3 are bored or gullible enough to bother clicking through to the website.

If you haven't read Maureen Dowd's syndicated column today, copy and paste this link and get to it.

http://www.timesunion.com/AspStories/story.asp?storyID=395115&category=OPINION&newsdate=9/3/2005

Kill Your TV

I've been attached to the news since I got home tonight. Here are a few places I've been to tonight that you should consider it your responsibility to visit as well.

www.cnn.com

www.redcross.org

www.newsweek.com

http://www.livejournal.com/users/interdictor/
(this is a live blog being posted from the heart of New Orleans)

www.workingforchange.com

and one more slightly-unrelated by also useful link...

http://www.venganza.org/

Left My Heart at the Big Easy...

Early September is one of my favorite times of year in upstate NY. The weather is calm; warm, but not too warm... everything is green... the sun still lingers until 7pm, the sunsets are full of color. It's beautiful.

Today I came home from work and walked out to the mailbox as the sun began to drop behind the top of the hill. The birds continued their mellow chirping, and I could hear the sound of a sprinkler from the neighbor's yard. There was a little bit of a breeze, and the smell of someone's backyard grill floated along on it. I looked around at my gentle, serene neighborhood, my home for over 20 years. Then I closed my eyes and tried to imagine it under 15 feet of water, the roofs of our homes caved in, bodies floating down the street, people looting and dying of hunger at every turn. Then I came inside and cried for the poor, poor people suffering in New Orleans. What could that possibly be like?

To see a city of such heritage and history - a blindingly proud city despite its rather ignoble reputation - brought to its knees so thoroughly and humiliatingly is painful to watch. My heart bleeds as I watch the people of Louisiana tear each other apart in a desperate attempt to survive. Just as painful to watch is the overwhelming homogeneity of the people who are suffering. Americans have become accostomed to pretending that racism 'no longer exists' in America, that we're 'above' all of that... but take a look at CNN. The people who did not make it out of Katrina's path were the poor and the infirmed - they HAD no way out. Almost every single hurricane 'refugee' you see on the news today is black. What does that say about America? New Orleans is the 9th poorest city in our country, and 2/3 of its population is African American. Are we really doing anything more than preaching equality in this country, while at the same time funneling our 'undesireables' somewhere we consider to be out of sight and out of mind?

And please do NOT get me started on the appaling way that the residents of the city have reacted to this tragedy. When the World Trade Centers were demolished, not one New Yorker looted. Not one New Yorker attacked or killed another in an attempt to get to safety or shelter. They helped each other, died to SAVE each other. As the cameras roll, people being housed in the Superdome are raping and murdering each other over blankets. I watch the news and I feel like I'm watching a scene from the movie version of Lord of the Flies (a book that made me throw up, incidentally).

This awful tragedy and the nation's reprehensible reaction to it refreshes and strengthens my fear of the future. I really wonder sometimes if the apocolypse isn't pending... if it's already arrived and is just taking it's time finishing what's been started.

Felicity

I've been watching old episodes of Felicity on one of the chick cable channels recently.

[WE, actually, but don't tell my former co-workers at Lifetime that I've been contributing to the competition.]

I always been attracted to the show... something about the character has always drawn me in. Maybe it's her hair - she has hair just like mine (but she's got a better stylist on set), and I've conviced myself I might (in my own little delusional world) look a little bit like her. But it's more than that. Something about the character's personality... her complete inability to be cool or say the right thing... or salvage herself from any and every embarassing situation. She's smart and articulate, but she still seems to manage to fuck up all the time. The way she reacts to situations in her life seem to be the exact same way I would react... even as I cringe to watch. Maybe that's why I cringe. She wears her heart on her sleeve and everything is an excuse to overanalyze and overemote to an exhausting degree. She's an idealist and an romantic and wants it all, even though she doesn't necessarily know what 'it all' is. Part of me HATES that I'm like her. She's fictional... and she's kind of pathetic. There's this one line from this one episode that, for some reason, has stuck with me since it first aired when I was in college. Sean says to Ben (about Felicity), "She's the kind of girl you marry, not the kind of girl you date." The first time I heard it, I thought they were talking about me, not some curly-haired fictional college student.

In the end, Felicity went off to medical school, married Ben, and lived happily ever after. She always stayed true to herself and was all about not compromising her beliefs. Leave it to J.J. Abrams. Maybe if I ask nicely, he'll write my script too.

But her hair is really JUST like mine. And I really loved the episode where she cut it all off.

I Found This on a Tea Box...

The Wisdom of Daily Life

1. Watch a sunrise at least once a year.

2. Plant flowers every spring.

3. Look people in the eye.

4. Compliment three people every day.

5.Live beneath your means.

6. Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come ninety percent of all your happiness or misery.

7. Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.

8. Don't postpone joy.

~H. Jackson Brown, Jr., from Life's Little Instruction Book

Indy 500

I have a confession to make;

Sometimes, I drive like a real asshole. I know it's obnoxious, but I can't help it - my new car is just better than all the others on the road. And no one drives fast enough.





[I know this is a stupid post. I think up all of these articulate and insightful things to write about as I'm falling asleep at night... but then, when I get to my computer in the morning, it's all gone. I'm going to have to figure out how to fix this problem.]

... Johnny Depp?...

Last night I had a dream about pirates.





[I just felt like a post was needed]

No Phone

I have had the most heinous last 2 weeks at work. The phone has literally not stopped ringing, from the moment I turn it on at 8:30am until... well, about noon today. It's gotten so bad that about a week ago, the phone rang at home and I answered it saying, "Good morning, College of XYZ". My mother was completely caught off-guard and laughed hysterically. [Never mind that it was 7pm.] Since then, I have mounted a strike; I flat-out refuse to pick up the phone anywhere but at my desk. I'm sorry, but if I spend 8 hours a day with a plastic receiver attached to my head, there's no way in hell I'm going to think it's a fun thing to do in my free time. I spend so much time getting yelled at over the phone that I really think I should be able to hook the thing to the earring studs on my left lobe. Then, at least, I wouldn't have this horrible (and possibly permanent) crick in my neck.

The good thing about this whole stupid string of business is that I've learned a lot, and I've had an opportunity to really help out some students that may have been overlooked otherwise. I'm not saving the world or anything, but at least I can sleep at night knowing that I'm trying to fight the good fight.

But I'm still off phones until further notice. If you need me, light up the bat signal.

Wishful Thinking...

My new little passtime is to browse online for apartments and daydream about the hazy future that involves me NOT living in my parents' house. Since I have no concrete time frame as to when this is going to actually happen, I've decided to distract myself by not only shopping for apartments, but also miscellaneous art, music, movies, books, and furniture that will reside in my fictional new apartment. I made the mistake of mentioning this hobby to my mother last week. Bad idea. Now, every time I go online to check my email (or blog) I get a snide, "shopping for overpriced apartments again?" when she walks by. It's funny, because up until that point, I had no idea it would bother her for me to move out... in fact, I figured she was just counting down the days. Meanwhile, with each passing day, my family annoys ME more and more... and more... and more..

Oooohhh... this print will totally go great in the kitchen, right over the coffee machine. When I have my own kitchen. And my own coffee machine...

Dream Journal

Last night I had the pregnant dream again.

This is the most absolutely twisted dream... and I keep having it. In my dream, I look down and all of the sudden I'm pregnant - like SUPER pregnant, and have no idea what's going on. All I know is that it needs to be gone, and it needs to be gone NOW. Even in my dream, I'm fully aware that there's no way I could actually physically BE pregnant, because I haven't had anything close to intimate contact in over 6 months [both in dream life and real life... and by saying 6 months, I'm being nice]. Then, my friend Michelle (who is pregnant in real life, and is as happy as a pig in shit to be that way) shows up and explains to me that it's too late to get rid of it, and I'm just going to have to deal ... I realize my life is completely over and that somehow I've ruined it - without actually having done anything 'wrong' to begin with - and I start to hyperventilate... and then I wake up. I grope myself; flat (relatively) stomach. Not pregnant. Thank God. And then I'm freaked out for the rest of the day.

Of course, after that I had a dream that my cat was living in technicolor. She shed her tabby brown color and became black, then charcoal... then blue and red... then gray and pink. Gray and pink was a good look for her.

If I knew more about dream analysis, would I feel better or worse about my reoccuring nightmare?

Eavesdroppers

After living in Manhattan for a year (which was more than long enough, thank you very much) I would just like to say that I can not appreciate this website enough. The incredible stupidity that humans are capable of never ceases to amaze me.

Overheard In New York

It's just funny. And sad. And very frightening...

Angry Housewives Eating Bon Bons

"...when a gnarled old man shuffled from table to table selling roses, I bought one, thinking that life was like a flower - showy and colorful and indescribably delicate, and even if aphids or worms or mildew destroyed it, still couldn't change the fact that it had been a flower..."

~Lorna Landvik

Pet Peeve # 6,3491

I hate it when people [90% of the time they're men] tell me to "smile". I know I've had this conversation with someone, but I feel the need to reinforce how much I really, seriously hate it.
A) Who the hell are you?
B) Don't tell me what to do.
C) How do you know that what's going on in my head or life right now is worth smiling about? Maybe I'm thinking about a parking ticket, or the death of a family member... or how BAD you SMELL. Maybe my cat has rabies.
D) People who walk around smiling all the time for no reason either look mildly disabled, or like they're WAY over-medicated. Ever read the bumper sticker that says, "I smile because I have no idea what's going on."? No one wants to be that guy.

I am not a particularly morose person. While I'm prone to moodiness and sarcasm, I'm no Debbie Downer... and generally speaking, I try to be pretty upbeat. At least, in public. In fact, when I used to waitress, I was often asked how I managed to be so perky or energetic all the time. [I was, not to toot my own horn, a kickass waitress.] So, new rule: if you ever tell me to smile when I'm not, I'm going to rip your heart out and feed it to you. Okay?

[insert big, toothy smile here]

QOTD 7/21/05

Never say there is nothing beautiful in the world any more.
There is always something to make you wonder, in the shape
of a leaf, the trembling of a tree.
--Albert Schweitzer (1875-1965)

I'm No Carrie

It's funny... I never used to love Sex and the City, but it's definitely grown on me. I watch it now [sanitized repeats on TBS] and think 'they are SO right'. Maybe as my single girlfriends and I get older (and remain single) it becomes more relevant. Who knows? What I do know is that I find it very ironic that my ex-boyfriend bought me the final season on DVD for my 23rd birthday. At the time, I wasn't much of a fan... and also found it to be an extremely lame birthday present. When we broke up, it was the first thing I gave away.

Along that vein... SO ready for "Wedding Season" to be over already. I'm going to OD on wedding-ness.

I Hate Britney Spears

Britney Spears is not pregnant with twins, she's just a fat slob. Can we drop the subject about her useless existence and talk about something that MATTERS for 5 minutes? War, famine, AIDS, the appointment of a new Supreme Court Justice, biases in the media, global warming...? Maybe if we stopped feeding into celebrity psychoses and their twisted need to be loved, they'd stop going all freakin' insane and get the hell out of the media.

Bloggerchicks

Verdict is in: Lucky Spinster is fabulous. Check it out.

So is This Girl. It's an extremely well-written blog, and a good word of warning. I agree with LS - The NYTimes should be ashamed.

I've had a really rough, unexpected 24 hours. More on that later.

QATD 7/15/05

He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand
rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are
closed.

~Albert Einstein

I'm an Audioslave addict

Be Yourself


Someone falls to pieces
Sleeping all alone, someone kills the pain
Spinning in the silence
She finally drifts away
Someone gets excited in a chapel yard
And catches a bouquet
Another lays a dozen
White roses on a grave

To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do

Someone finds salvation in everyone
And another only pain
Someone tries to hide themself
Down inside himself he prays
Someone swears his true love until the end of time
Another runs away
Separate or united
Healthy or insane

To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do

Even when you've paid enough
Benn put upon or been held up
With every single memory of
the good or bad, faces of luck
Don't lose any sleep tonight
I'm sure everything will end up alright
You may win or lose

But to be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do...

Breeders

It's 9:20am. There is a child screaming its head off in my office. I am never, ever having children. Someone needs to muzzle it or duct tape its mouth shut or something - just MAKE IT SHUT UP AND GET IT AWAY FROM ME!