Rot in Hell, Bill O'Reilly

Did anyone see Letterman on Friday? If not, here's a quick synopsis. This is why David Letterman is awesome and Bill O'Reilly should drop off the planet. He was on Oprah on Friday as well, which I listened to while cleaning my apartment and doing laundry. I'm pretty sure I yelled, "rot in hell and die!" at the tv at least 6 or 7 times, like a kid with tourette's. The fact that Oprah would even bring a conservative, misogynist asshole like him on her show disappoints me. I've decided he's up in my Top 10 Republicans Who Should Vanish list.

Explosive Combination

I'm looking up punch recipes. WHY do people think it's okay to mix vodka and beer? In the same bowl? This is NOT ACCEPTABLE, people!

QAD 10/11/06

What can you ever really know of other people's souls - of
their temptations, their opportunities, their struggles?
One soul in the whole creation you do know: and it is the
only one whose fate is placed in your hands.
--C.S. Lewis

Wag The... What?

I saw a terrible movie (for free) the other night. Employee of the Month. Now, I'm a Dane Cook fan most of the time. I enjoy his comedy, he makes me laugh, and it's fun in general to watch people get hurt. The prominent players in this particular piece of film making are Dane, Andy Dick, Jessica Simpson, Dax Shepard and the guy who played Pedro in Napoleon Dynamite. Clearly a cast with a range. The jokes and sight gags were funny, though the script was awful (and I'm not being a movie snob... remember, I loved Dude Where's My Car).

My beef here is that the writers put a Glengarry Glen Ross reference, pretty blatantly, in the movie. Talk about a waste of an excellent reference to both a great play (yes people, it was a play first) and a great movie with an awesome cast. How can you actually put that in the movie and expect the viewers (the 2 in the audience who actually GET it, that is) not to compare Dax, Dane and Andy to Al Pacino, Kevin Spacey, and Jack Lemmon? Let us take a moment and picture the way the conversation between the head writer and... say... Jessica Simpson went. "Yeah, I'm going to reference David Mamet... you know, the guy who wrote Wag the Dog? No? the Untouchables? No? State and Main? No? Joan of Bark:The Dog Who Saved France? YES! YES! THAT'S the guy!"

Comeback Bill

If only Bill Clinton would return to us as President, how happy I would be...

QAD 9/22/06

The deepest craving of human nature is the need to
be appreciated.
--William James

QAD 9/13/06

Whatever we expect with confidence becomes our own
self-fulfilling prophecy.
--Brian Tracy

We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not
by mechanical aid, but by an infinite expectation of
the dawn.
--Henry David Thoreau


I'm sad today.

Give Me a Break

The world we live in really concerns me when one of the top stories on the news this morning was, "Lindsay Lohan loses her purse at Heathrow Airport!" Maybe if she could bother to carry her own shit, this wouldn't be a late-breaking 'news' story. Oh, to be back in college discussing the state of the media today...

QAD 9/6/06

If I were asked ... to what the singular prosperity and
growing strength of Americans ought mainly to be
attributed, I should reply: To the superiority of
their women.
--Alexis de Tocqueville

An army of principles can penetrate where an army of
soldiers cannot.
--Thomas Paine

War is not the continuation of politics with different
means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the
community of man.
--Alfred Adler

Education is not the filling of a pail,
but the lighting of a fire.
--Wiliam Butler Yeats

Peace is constructed, not fought for.
--Brent Davis

Hiding from Evil

Casey: i saw him at the mall sun.
Casey: didnt say hi
Casey: on purpose
Me: ooooh
Me: you're a badass
Casey: i dodged
Me: did you hide?
Me: like duck behind a garbage can?
Casey: ducked behind a rack at forever 21
Me: that's awesome

Grave Digger

I've been hearing quite a bit about Forbes article that some pigheaded moron (Michael Noer) wrote recently about the evils of marrying career women, so I finally decided today [while cementing my position in the land of indentured servitude by being forced to work 6 hours on a Saturday] to take a look at it. First of all, I think the definition Mr. Noer has placed on the term "career girl (not woman)" is offensive. Never mind the "girl" clause, but his definition is, "A career girl has a university-level (or higher) education, works more than 35 hours a week outside the home and makes more than $30,000 a year." I'm sorry, but in her mid-20s or higher, it's appalling that a man thinks that 30k and 35 hours a week is anywhere NEAR slaving away at a high-powered position. In today's global economy, 30k for a woman with a 4-year college education is barely enough to pay the rent and put food on the table for herself, never mind a family. It's practically an un-liveable salary in our nation's largest cities. We're also lucky if any job finds a 35 hour work week acceptable... this coming from a woman who has worked a total of just about 50 hours this week alone.

In the broader sense, I think this article brings to light some serious problems with regards to the way our patriarchial society pigeonholes women into 'acceptable' and 'unacceptable' modes of behavior. The "career girls" that Michael Noer is criticizing are doing nothing more than what society has pressured them to do for decades - be JUST LIKE MEN. "You throw like a girl," and "why are girls so sensitive? Why can't you be more like us?" are phrases we hear every day of our lives. So what have we done? In our effort to "please our men", we've gone ahead and done exactly that. They say immitation is the highest form of flattery. If so, why are men suddenly so vocal about their complaints? It's ok for men to be disgusting pigs around the house, it's socially acceptable (or at least understood) that busy "career men" have affairs at the office, it's alright if they don't want children, and they get a carte-blanche for behaviors that basically amount to inexcuseable in women. Is it really the women and their behaviors that Noer has a problem with here? I tend to wonder if it's not the fact that, when a mirror image of 'acceptable' male behavior is held up, they find that they don't much like what they see. If your expectations for women are held to such a high standard of excellence, maybe the critical lens needs to be turned inward. After all, Mr. Noer, you should be flattered - we're simply following in your footsteps. We want to be just like you. What part of that do you have such a problem with?

QAD 8/18/06

To love. To be loved. To never forget your own
insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable
violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you.

To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty
to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or
complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never
power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand.
To never look away. And never, never, to forget.
--Arundhati Roy

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in
honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
--Butler Shaffer

FYI

Just for the record...

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, ever call me and ask for your student ID and PIN number... and then tell me you don't have a pen. This is unacceptable. I am fully aware that I am experiencing hormone-induced rage blackouts, but that is just ridiculous, infantile bullshit. If you are calling an institution with the specific purpose of obtaining a series of 15 non-sequential numbers that serve the purpose of identification, unless you have some kind of verbal photographic memory, PICK UP A FUCKING PEN!

Take Note

I saw this on MSN and thought it was amusing.

1. Remember in old movies when women used to swoon and "take to the bed" for days at a time? That never happens. We're stronger than that. That being said, if we ever decide to "take to the bed" for days at a time, there's not a thing you can do about it.

2. Sometimes we think we really understand men. Then we regain consciousness.

3. Superskinny women really irritate us. We hate when they say, "Sometimes I just forget to eat." Now, I've forgotten my anniversary and where I parked my car. But I've never forgotten to eat.

4. We do like to have sex, just not at midnight when we have to get up at the crack of dawn to feed two kids, three dogs, and a pair of fat goldfish.

5. We'll gladly agree to stop complaining about our "time of the month" if men will kindly take over the little chores of childbearing, morning sickness, and postpartum emotional swings. Deal?

6. Women really do want to be on time. It's just that everything starts so darned early.

7. We know high heels are sexy, but we'll take our comfy black Uggs any day of the week.

8. Homespun wisdom from someone who knows: Just because we're southern belles doesn't mean we have bats in our belfries.

9. We really do like to cook. It's just that we cooked so much for our boyfriends before we got married that we're sick of being in the kitchen. Sorry you missed it.

10. Men are free to think they're the boss, as long as they know we're the chairman of the board.

You know you're an addict when...

On Sunday, I had my first shopping experience at my new local grocery store. I made the grave mistake of doing this ON a Sunday, as everyone knows this is optimal Kamikaze-Soccer-Mom shopping time. Needless to say, I was rather overwhelmed and under-caffeinated, so I did a less than stellar job. I've been back to the grocery store every single day since, picking up things I'd forgotten or given up on. I've also been feeling a bit off this week, and until last night unable to figure out why. I've had horrendous headaches and been feeling exhausted, as well as near tears. I've downed nearly a whole bottle of Advil, and even a few Excedrin to dull the pain. Last night, I was getting ready to set up my coffee maker for the morning. I pulled my new bag of Green Mountain French Vanilla out of the fridge... and that's when I saw it. The answer to all of my problems for the last 4 days. It was a sticker. A simple, small, burnt-orange sticker... with one very important word on it. That word, my friends, was... (brace yourself...) "DECAFFEINATED".

I'VE BEEN DRINKING DECAF FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK! No wonder my life has been so fucking miserable! I quickly rectified the situation this morning, stopping at good ol' Dunkin Donuts for a big, hot, delicious, CAFFEINATED beverage... and grabbed a bag of grounds while I was at it. Which I inspected for the evil sticker. Twice.

Mommy, wow!

After carrying about 30 boxes, sweating off 4lbs, bruising every inch of my body, pulling all of the muscles in my back and arms and stubbing all of my toes, I can finally say that I am almost completely moved into my new apartment. Today I fell asleep on my new couch while waiting for the cable guy. I take this to be a good sign. The best part? I did it all on my own. Who needs a man when you've got... biceps?

Should it be of any concern that I had martini glasses moved in almost a week before the furniture?

Palm Beach PD Saves the Planet!

This is JUST what the world needs: Limbaugh Loose With Viagra

Honestly, I'm not sure this is anyone I can think of that would be more appalling to be running around Florida with a permanent stiffy. Except for maybe Pat Robertson.

This Is Why I Love the Dixie Chicks

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s to late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

~Not Ready to Make Nice

Cheery Friday

I am in a certifiably foul mood today about life, the world, politics, the lack of universal health care, the environment, flag burning amendments, the weather, the fit of my pants, my shitty plans for the weekend, my new cheap sunglesses, and the bruise I have on my left thigh. Just to bring everyone around me down to my level, check out this fabulous blog a friend sent me the other day.

QAD 6/23/06

Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a
meaning of which I disapprove.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make
violent revolution inevitable.
--John F. Kennedy

In joining battle, seek the quick victory. If battle is
protracted, your weapons will be blunted and your troops
demoralized. If you lay siege to a walled city, you
exhaust your strength. If your armies are kept in the
field for a long time, your national reserves will not
suffice. Where you have blunted your weapons, demoral-
ized your troops, exhausted your strength and depleted
all available resources, the neighboring rulers will
take advantage of your adversity to strike. And even
with the wisest of counsel, you will not be able to turn
the ensuing consequences to the good. There never has
been a state that has benefited from an extended war.
--Sun Tzu