Summer Would Be Boring If It Were All Year Round...

My last blog was about 7 months ago. There's really no excuse for this. I guess it's a normal part of the human process... different periods of our lives require different means of analysis. I've always used the written word as a way of disseminating and dissecting the pieces of my life, in an effort to understand and reassemble them in a manner that makes more sense. But I think, maybe, every once in a while... it's okay to take some time off from self-examination. Sometimes you need to stop thinking about living your life and just live it. I've made mistakes and changes. I've made new friends, lost touch with old ones, taught myself how to cook (a little bit) and tried new things. Not all of this has been successful, not all of my choices were the right ones... but they were mine.

Life is a journey, and there's a long path to be hiked. We can't realistically expect ourselves to never change, never grow, never evolve. As people, we tend to view change as a negative thing - change is bad. But the truth is, change is... change. And change is scary, because it involves the unknown. But without change, there would be no growth, no evolution, no Darwinism. Often, change enriches our lives instead of detracting from them. The trick is taking the time to let the cards fall and figure out which direction it's got us heading towards.

Arbor Day Is Safe

Dear Friends,

It has become increasingly clear to me lately that we need to have a little discussion about religious holidays and proper celebratory etiquette. The majority of you are aware by now that I like to classify myself as a "non-practicing Jew". This means that I was raised in a Jewish household, have a Jewish heritage, have been forced to participate in Sunday School and Hebrew School, and have even been Bat-Mitzvah-ed. In terms of my personal religious beliefs, however, I'm more of a "practicing Agnostic" (if one could say that Agnostics actually "practice" anything other than the act of ambivalence).

I don't necessarily buy the whole concept of religion as a whole in ANY form. This, however, does NOT mean I am Christian. Non-practicing Jew does NOT equal "Christian by default". Just because I don't buy into my own religion doesn't mean I want your New Testament. If I did, you'd know it. Christmas for me is like celebrating John Lennon's birthday - a kind of famous guy was born, cool... but it has no application or personal significance to me. Wishing me a Happy Easter is the equivalent of extending your best wishes on the day Kurt Cobain died. A kind-of tortured pop culture icon died, but I was never that into Nirvana anyway so I don't really care. Such is my personal interpretation of Jesus.

Do you know what I do on these holidays? I rent movies and hang out with my cat, or maybe call Mom and joke about how we get the day off to do nothing, but at least we don't have to get stuck in traffic. I find it really, really ignorant when my Christian friends wish me a Merry Christmas or Happy Easter. I don't go around screaming "Mozel Tov!" at you guys on Yom Kippur or Rosh Hashonnah - do you even know what Purim IS? I keep it to myself, aware that you may not be actively observing MY holidays (or non-holidays, since I don't really observe them either). So I'd appreciate it if you keep your religious holidays to yourselves. I don't begrudge you your celebrations, nor do I run commentary on what I think of them... but I find it extremely small minded for those of you who know me well to assume that I spend your holidays reflecting on a religious custom I don't believe in. Just because I joke that I'm a "Bad Jew" doesn't mean I'm automatically Catholic or Protestant, Baptist or Methodist, defaulting to a religion I find even harder to swallow than the one I was environmentally conditioned to believe in.

I get that strangers automatically assume that everyone around them engages in similar holiday reflection, so most of the time I disregard the "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Easter!" from a grocery store cashier, pharmacist, or toll collector as an endearment of the season. But if you're someone who knows me well, or even ATTENDED my Bat Mitzvah... please spare me. Show just a little bit of sensitivity? How about you consider that my Easter present?

Glory Is...

"A lot of people run a race to see who's fastest. I run to see who has the most guts." --Steve Prefontaine

Days 'til the Delmar Dash: 6
Day's 'til the Mule Haul : 83
Days 'til the Boilermaker: 104

So You Want To Go To College?

It's 6:30, and I'm still at the College, where I'll be at least until 10 tonight. Sometimes, I feel like I really do live here... and it's more or less the truth. I come in early, I leave late, I'm in class 2 nights a week doing more of the same, and on Thursdays I stay for the extra hour between the end of work and beginning of class just because it's easier than going home. When I DO go home, I always have reading or homework to do. I swear, sometimes I feel like Higher Ed is my entire existence, from start to finish. I don't hate my job, or my career path, or being a part of this unique experience, but on occasion I just get so worn out and tired. I wish I could just take off for a while... drive across the country, move to Hawaii, become a writer... shake it up and do something different. But... I guess that's not what we do these days, right? Maybe some day.

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The ...

This past Thursday, I took my dad to have a procedure that should fix his hearing in one ear. It was an outpatient thing at a private clinic, not a hospital, in Latham. Since he was going to be put under general anesthesia, someone needed to drive him and be there to pick him up. We pulled into the clinic, parked the car, and walked in the front door (or what appeared to be the front door). There was a group of women in the waiting room having some kind of meeting, the carpets were red and the walls were pink - it seemed kind of surprisingly warm and friendly to me. As we walked up to the front desk, one woman left the group and came to help us, mentioning that they were just finishing their morning staff meeting. She looked directly at me, and asked what she could do for us. I smiled, and pointed at my dad saying, "Oh, we're here for him," and Dad proceeded to tell her he was there for his 9am appointment. She looked at us kind of funny and went to find his file. As she walked away, I noticed a booklet on the counter discussing the pros and cons of breast reduction surgery, which I loudly pointed out to my father saying, "Look, I could really use THIS!" and we chuckled. After a moment or two, the receptionist asked Dad the name of his surgeon. When he answered, she smiled and told us we were in the wrong part of the building. It appeared we had accidentally wandered into the breast reduction and Botox clinic... the audiology center was around back. We smiled, thanked her, and got out of there as fast as humanly possible. Once we got back in the car, we both dissolved into absolute hysterics... and then my dad asked me if I had managed to grab a brochure.

Only *I* would bring my father to a breast reduction clinic... and only *my* father would ask me if I'd remembered to get a flyer.

Old Man Winter Is On My List

I hate the winter. This year, it's been unseasonably mild here in the Northeast right up until... about a week ago. Last Saturday, I even ran my first 4.4 mile race in 40 degree weather. Alas, the winds of change have swept through - literally; it's so windy outside today that someone's car alarm went off. I've been able to ignore how much I really loathe being cold and shivery, wondering why the hell I still live in a place where half the year makes me want to kill myself, until this week. I forgot how hard it is to get out of bed in mid-January... I probably wouldn't even be up now, if my cat hadn't started doing suicide dive-bombs off my bureau onto my head at 7 this morning. Winter just sucks. I will never understand people who would rather be cold than hot... I'm such a summer person. Long days, green grass, leisurely strolls, drinks with umbrellas in them... THAT'S the life, right there. New York anywhere from January through March is absolute hell. But New York, anywhere from June through October, is one gorgeous place. North of Manhattan, that is. Manhattan in the summer is a fucking sewage pit.

Heads Up, Guys

Gentlemen, take note. If you need a few pointers to improve your relations with the ladies, this MSN article is there to help. I'm not quite sure that I've ever actually seen two guys perform a chest-bump in front of me, but I'd imagine that once would be plenty...

C is for Cookie...

A student left me a message today, (on my birthday, after the most painful transfer advisement I've ever encountered) wanting to negotiate her math credits transferring in for NEXT fall from a community college. They're not coming in. She doesn't understand why. Would it be wrong if I called her and said, "Because MAT 004 and MAT 005 - 'Cookie Monster Teaches The Numberline' is not college-fucking level algebra!!!"? That would be wrong. Right?

Does Anyone Have a Garbage Can?

On occasion, people make me want to vomit.

102 and Rising

I do apologize, everyone. I really have been bloggeruseless of late. Not that it's an excuse, but I seem to have hit a period of transition in life that has kept me rather busy. I love every moment of my new status as an apartment-dweller, but seeing as how I'm too poor to afford the Internet, it cuts down on my ability to blog at will. Also in recent months, I have somehow stumbled into a new position at work (I say "somehow" like I didn't get on the floor and beg for it) that involves an almost-liveable wage and actual, grown-up responsibilities that don't involve being verbally abused on the phone for hours on end. Because I have actual work to do, I am now forced to do things like homework for class outside of my normal 8-5 day, decreasing the amount of free time I have available for witty reparte.

Having said this, I miss you all. In brief review... I was thrilled about the November elections, and can't say the tiny optimist left in me didn't hope it was coming (if you call screaming, "fuck the Republicans!" in your head "optimistic"). The Baker Hamilton Commission is right, but I could have made those recommendations 2 years ago. I still hate Britney Spears, and I found her departure and quick return to skankdom less than surprising. Barak Obama is fabulous. I hope they make a poignant, touching movie about James Kim, who walked 16 miles in the snow to save his family. I've developed a weird fascination with the WE channel, and I'm pretty sure a pod person has taken over my body - I asked for a mixer (like, for baking) for Channukah.

By the way, I'm on the way to the doctor's office so that I can get medication for this very bad head cold I've developed. Anything I've said here today is inadmissible in court as the rantings of a feverish lunatic.

Decision 2006

I miss Tom Brokaw. And Peter Jennings.

Rot in Hell, Bill O'Reilly

Did anyone see Letterman on Friday? If not, here's a quick synopsis. This is why David Letterman is awesome and Bill O'Reilly should drop off the planet. He was on Oprah on Friday as well, which I listened to while cleaning my apartment and doing laundry. I'm pretty sure I yelled, "rot in hell and die!" at the tv at least 6 or 7 times, like a kid with tourette's. The fact that Oprah would even bring a conservative, misogynist asshole like him on her show disappoints me. I've decided he's up in my Top 10 Republicans Who Should Vanish list.

Explosive Combination

I'm looking up punch recipes. WHY do people think it's okay to mix vodka and beer? In the same bowl? This is NOT ACCEPTABLE, people!

QAD 10/11/06

What can you ever really know of other people's souls - of
their temptations, their opportunities, their struggles?
One soul in the whole creation you do know: and it is the
only one whose fate is placed in your hands.
--C.S. Lewis

Wag The... What?

I saw a terrible movie (for free) the other night. Employee of the Month. Now, I'm a Dane Cook fan most of the time. I enjoy his comedy, he makes me laugh, and it's fun in general to watch people get hurt. The prominent players in this particular piece of film making are Dane, Andy Dick, Jessica Simpson, Dax Shepard and the guy who played Pedro in Napoleon Dynamite. Clearly a cast with a range. The jokes and sight gags were funny, though the script was awful (and I'm not being a movie snob... remember, I loved Dude Where's My Car).

My beef here is that the writers put a Glengarry Glen Ross reference, pretty blatantly, in the movie. Talk about a waste of an excellent reference to both a great play (yes people, it was a play first) and a great movie with an awesome cast. How can you actually put that in the movie and expect the viewers (the 2 in the audience who actually GET it, that is) not to compare Dax, Dane and Andy to Al Pacino, Kevin Spacey, and Jack Lemmon? Let us take a moment and picture the way the conversation between the head writer and... say... Jessica Simpson went. "Yeah, I'm going to reference David Mamet... you know, the guy who wrote Wag the Dog? No? the Untouchables? No? State and Main? No? Joan of Bark:The Dog Who Saved France? YES! YES! THAT'S the guy!"

Comeback Bill

If only Bill Clinton would return to us as President, how happy I would be...

QAD 9/22/06

The deepest craving of human nature is the need to
be appreciated.
--William James

QAD 9/13/06

Whatever we expect with confidence becomes our own
self-fulfilling prophecy.
--Brian Tracy

We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not
by mechanical aid, but by an infinite expectation of
the dawn.
--Henry David Thoreau


I'm sad today.

Give Me a Break

The world we live in really concerns me when one of the top stories on the news this morning was, "Lindsay Lohan loses her purse at Heathrow Airport!" Maybe if she could bother to carry her own shit, this wouldn't be a late-breaking 'news' story. Oh, to be back in college discussing the state of the media today...

QAD 9/6/06

If I were asked ... to what the singular prosperity and
growing strength of Americans ought mainly to be
attributed, I should reply: To the superiority of
their women.
--Alexis de Tocqueville

An army of principles can penetrate where an army of
soldiers cannot.
--Thomas Paine

War is not the continuation of politics with different
means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the
community of man.
--Alfred Adler

Education is not the filling of a pail,
but the lighting of a fire.
--Wiliam Butler Yeats

Peace is constructed, not fought for.
--Brent Davis