Dear John

Dear Grossly Under-Qualified Transfer Student,

I understand that you're confused - transferring to the particular institution that I work for is a complicated process. Transferring to any institution is usually a bit of a process. I'm doing my best to change that, and one day when I rule the world, it will be easy as pie. Today, however, is not that day. I also understand that your confusion isn't entirely my fault. According to the essays, transcripts, grade reports, and letters that make up your application packet, you're a bit of a moron. If I were in charge, you most likely wouldn't have been accepted to the rigorous program you've chosen, let alone a 4-year college of any kind... but the institution I work for is tuition-driven, and sometimes that's reflected in the caliber of student we continue to bring in the week before classes start. It's also reflected in the quality of student that decides to apply the week before classes start. In my experience, the future neurosurgeons aren't the ones applying on January 8th when classes start the 12th. Because of all of these things, I'm begging you to stop asking me the same questions over and over again. I can explain procedures, policies and requirements until I'm blue in the face... you simply lack the brain capacity to comprehend the content of the response. It would really save both of us quite a bit of time and frustration if you just... stopped talking.

Thank You,
The Blogger