Blognote

This Guy rocks. Not only did his post make me laugh when I wanted to cry yesterday, but he then came on over and checked out my blog. Which, in the world of Blog, is really nice. [Plus, he has one of those cute little cyberpets. I have pet fish stories as well, btw.] Thanks dude!

The Captain and Religion

Can I just say that there is nothing I'd rather do when buzzed on Captain & ginger after a crappy week than debate the merits of religion in a bar full of people I went to high school with, whose names I can't remember? One of my old friends was home from San Francisco for the holidays, and we went out last night for a few hours with her brother. Her brother has just ended an on again/off again relationship with a girl who is extremely religious. Usually a pretty quiet guy, but wow, did I get him going. It was great. And why, I wonder, are people who would never have spoken to me 10 years ago suddenly so freaking happy to see me? You'd think they'd won the fucking lottery or something. I can't even remember half their names, but they all remember mine, apparently. Not bad for the girl who was labeled "The Really Nice Nerdy Girl" by the cool kids in high school. My boobs must have been looking fabulous last night.

[Note to you 17-year-olds: Be nice to the nerdy kids. Not only will they grow up to be filthy rich, they will also have become so insecure that they will end up growing proportionately more attractive as the hot ones become less so. Whether this is because they become more socially adept or just have enough money for cosmetic surgery is irrelevant. Also, they tend to hold grudges against those who stuffed them in lockers or spread rumors about their gym clothes. That kind of shit stays with you, man.]

Ha

I'm having a horrid little wonder of a 3-day week at work, but this made me laugh out loud today. And after that awful 400lb freshman boy tried to eat me earlier, it's taking quite a lot to make me laugh...

Quote Stealer

I stole this one from The Waiter today:

“With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.” – Steven Weinberg

I'm Jack Handley

Deep thought for the day:

Is there a difference between "The Meaning of Life" and "The Meaning of My Life"? And is the answer always 42?

Bring Yourself Back

I am drinking quite possibly the best cup of Dunkin Donuts french vanilla coffee I have ever had right now. Mmmmmmm. AND I hit every light on Washington Avenue Extention at green this morning. For many of you that will mean nothing, but for you Albanites - you're impressed, right? Don't lie. You know you are.

Break Stuff

Note to self:

Next time I get broken up with out of the blue, I need to trash the fucker's apartment the way Kelly Clarkson does in the video for Since U Been Gone. It looks like fun and therapy all rolled into one...



[Yeah, after Ghostbusters I watched Dodgeball, but that's over so I've moved on the VH1. There's really, really, really nothing on tv today.]

Non-Holiday

I'm blogging on Christmas Day. I may be the only person blogging on Christmas Day (though I doubt it). That's the thing about growing up the lone Jewish kid on the block... Christmas Day becomes the big, boring, nothing holiday. It's a non-holiday. For you gentiles (I feel that if someone else is allowed to refer to me as a "heathen", I'm allowed to refer to all of you goyim as gentiles) it's all hyped about church and presents and dinner and family. For us Jews, it's enforced imprisonment. Due to the sheer absence of things to do and places to go, we are driven to spend the day doing absolutely nothing with each other. Your holiday effectively becomes my day of torture. You may be enduring family-hell as well, but at least your hell is encased by an allegedly joyful, spiritual and religious event (although it's to be noted that the commercialization of Christmas is so extreme that the meaning may have been lost long ago). There is food and candlelight and sparkly trees and wrapping paper. I've got Ghostbusters and a box of Kung Pow Chicken. And my mother, who will not go away, crabby because she ate too much at the holiday party last night and now feels that she's obese. Because there's no other distraction, I get to hear about it. All day.

Hopefully this puts things in perspective for all of you having doubts and frustrations this holiday season. If my gut-wrenching boredom and misery has made at least one person feel better about his/her life (whether "heathen" or "gentile"), my day will have not been an entire waste of oxygen. So Happy Holidays to all. May your feast, whether Kung-Pow or Rack of Lamb be warm and filling.


[It should be noted that when I refer to myself as a Jew, these days I consider it more of a cultural self-identification than a religious one. I am not a religious person. If you want to get technical, I'm probably more Agnostic than anything else. I've found, however, (as most people do) that it is very hard to separate one's self entirely from her childhood environment and family ties.Besides... I'm partial to lighting lots of candles.]

RIP Ipod (you piece of overpriced shit)

I just got back from the gym. My Ipod has died! I don't know what I'm going to do! And good grief, could it have happened at a worse time? Like the Apple store won't be a complete and utter zoo in the next two days when I try to get there and have their sad little IT guys poke and prod at it, only to confirm that, 'yep, it sure is dead, miss'. Because I know that's what is going to happen. Oh, the AGONY!!!!

Tis The Season

I love my job.

Really - I do. Or rather, I love where my job is headed. It's hard to truly "love" being at the bottom of the food chain, but knowing you're probably on the right track is a pretty good feeling. A relatively new feeling for me, in fact.

But there are days - days like today - that make me feel like I'm living in Office Space and want nothing more than to gut a fish on my desk while playing Atari and stealing all of the holiday food from the back room, followed by a good solid pen-in-the-eye. Maybe throw a stapler or two. As I've mentioned before, I work at a private 4-year college, and all of the students are officially on break between semesters. Yet the staff and administration (not faculty, it should be noted) are here on campus... with nothing to do. The pointlessness of my meaningless existence becomes glaringly obvious on days like today. I feel like a typewriter. Typewriters are completely and utterly obsolete, yet they're still sitting around there somewhere. Doing nothing.

I also spend the majority of my time at work answering phones. Students ask a lot of questions. Parents ask even more. We all know that all people seem to come down with a case of the crazies (and crankies) around the holidays, which seems to make them significantly less pleasant to speak with than your average unpleasant phone-encounter. [Especially considering the fact that we're politely reminding them about their 13k tuition payments that will be due immediately after the New Year.] Another interesting phenomena I've noticed is that, when faced with the prospect of a weekend, vacation or holiday, the phone rings exponentially more immediately preceeding said time off. The mere concept that we will be unreachable for the better part of the next 48 (or, god forbid, 96) hours instill fear and loathing in the hearts of anxious college students and their parents, which leads to pure panic. As a result, the day before my paltry 2 days of vacation is never pleasant.

Scratch that. I have zero intention or desire to gut a fish on my desk. I don't gut things. It's not in my nature. I'm much more of a "cut the line and hope the hook works itself free" kind of girl.

Happy Is A Yuppy Word

Right now I am completely obsessed with my new Switchfoot album, Nothing Is Sound.

For Casey

We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow some-
times in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We
grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm,
childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle
and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We
are made up of layers, cells, constellations.
--Anaia Ninn

But Honey, It's Cold Outside

Just for the record, I am 100% on board with Opinionista's sentiment today about the NYC Transit Strike. I was once a miserable, rat-caged Manhattanite, and I am in total agreement.

Triple X

Why does everyone with a profile on MySpace think s/he is a porn star? Come on now, give me a break. You live in Albany. Working at DeCarlo's (one of maybe 3 strip clubs in the area) does not qualify you as the next Jenna Jameson (or Ron Jeremy).

For example, "Dreamy" who is 26, from Albany. Her posted picture is of her skinny, coked-out butt sticking out of a pink miniskirt (no underwear) with a white bra. Oh, and knee socks - to make her look wholesome. Her interests include (in this order): her son, music, dancing, tattoos, sex, parties, friends, drinking, Yankees & Giants, reading & traveling (I'd be curious as to what she reads - I'm doubting it's Vonnegut or Nietzsche), Vermont, poker, the beach and the city.

Or take "P", 25, from Schenectady. He is flexing with his shirt off (alternating between the stylish bowtie and no-bowtie) in every picture he's posted. There are 6. Who takes 6 pictures of himself shirtless? Accordingly, every one of his "friends" seem to have much in common with "Dreamy". He has no male friends. He also, apparently, has no interests. "P" is single and, shockingly, Catholic.

During my relatively short time on MySpace in support of Casey, I have seen more unfortunate nakedness than I care to relive. I guess this just goes to reaffirm that the Internet is one weird, wild, strange cyberplace...

Back In Rare Form

Why, hello there. My, how I've missed you, my anonymous blog-friends.

Ahh, the holidays. 'Tis the season for temper tantrums, screaming babies, crazy drivers, holiday cards, fat-laden food, heartburn, blackout punch, Christmas tree fires, sappy tv, and my favorite: New Year's Eve dress shopping... remind me again why people love it so much? No, I'm serious. Help me out here. Last year was so bad that I literally have The Holiday Season of 2004 blocked out in my memory, like it was some kind of awful traumatic event. Someone please give me one (or more) good reason why I should deck the halls and be cheerful?

And if one more person wishes me a Merry Christmas, I may punch him or her in the face.

MIA

Sorry guys, I've been way too busy doing homework and trying to survive my first semester of grad school to to post. Give me a few days, I'll be back. Amuse yourselves until then.

A Little Quote Action

The only index by which to judge a government or a way of
life is by the quality of the people it acts upon. No matter
how noble the objectives of a government, if it blurs
decency and kindness, cheapens human life, and breeds ill
will and suspicion - it is an evil government.
-Eric Hoffer

Eliminate physical clutter. More importantly, eliminate
spiritual clutter.
--D.H. Mondfleur

Vocabulary enables us to interpret and to express. If you
have a limited vocabulary, you will also have a limited
vision and a limited future.
-Jim Rohn