June 20, 2004: [a quick recap] I was the only sober person at a Phish show.
The day before, my oldest friend's soon-to-be brother-in-law died tragically... on the morning of her wedding shower. I had found out just a day prior to the shower that I would have to have emergency surgery the following week... yet I couldn't let my boyfriend down and NOT go to the show. Because that's the kind of girlfriend [doormat] I was. So there I was, surrounded by Phish heads drinking, smoking, and doing various drugs...while I sat in a lawn chair eating an apple. Because I was too damn sick (physically and heartsick for Michelle as well) to do anything else. That night when we got home from the show [which was endless], The Ex asked me if I was scared about my surgery. Was I scared? The girl who'd never even had her wisdom teeth removed was going under general anesthetic and staying overnight in the hospital and they were going to cut her open and shove a tube down her throat and one in her arm and TAKE OUT AN ORGAN. What did he think? That was followed by his passive-aggresive version of "Where Is Our Relationship Going?, Part 2". Oh-so appropriate time for THAT, don't you think? He didn't visit me in the hospital. [Strangely enough, we didn't break up for another 6 months].
June 20, 2005: [fast forward] Phish is no longer a band. Too bad for the drugged-out Phish heads.
Michelle and Joe have been married for almost a year... she is 5 months pregnant, and the baby will be named in memory of Frank. It will soon be time for another shower. I spent my day at work, keeping in touch with old friends and having lunch with new ones. I have lost 15lbs since last year. After work, I ran a mile and a quarter on the treadmill. A year ago, I couldn't walk 10 feet. I'm single, but at least I won't be spending my evening with a hoard of people that I can't relate to, wondering why I'm trying so hard... and still feeling like an outsider.
It's funny how you can look back and see so clearly that your life a year ago was like that pair of pants you always have to suck your stomach in to get into... but never really look right... when the life you have now is like those jeans you have in the back of the closet - you always forget how perfect they fit until you put them on. I'm sure, however it's a beautiful night at SPAC this evening... just like it was on June 20, 2004.
2 comments:
was going through my IM list and saw your blog again...
i remember bumping into you at that show...not all phish heads do drugs damnit, it makes me sick when---wait, what was i talking about
I remember bumping into YOU at that show as well, my friend. It may have been the one shining highlight of my evening. That and when the cokeheads sitting in front of me asked if they could borrow my car keys...
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